Ready, Fire, Aim
by Transient Fossil
Summary: In which Sakura, Sasuke, and Naruto are actually a single chaos demon with a fondness for massive collateral damage, and Kakashi eventually embraces his role as its infuriating diplomatic liaison. FemNaru. Non-linear.
1. Kakashi Embraces his Fate

**Author's Note:** I hope you liek.

 **Ready, Fire, Aim**

 **Scene:**

 **Kakashi Embraces his Fate**

 **-or-**

 ** _If you can't beat 'em, join 'em._**

* * *

Warily, Kakashi touches down amongst the rubble that is Training Ground 13, the explosive testing grounds his team seems to have adopted. And immediately flicks himself behind one of the enormous, reinforced, strategically placed boulders dotting the grounds.

KA-BOOM!

BOOMBOOMBOOM! The boulder shudders, Kakashi eyes it skeptically. He has half a mind to just turn around and _go home_ , but—

"Kakashi-sensei! Kakashi-sensei! Kakashi-sensei!" three teenage voices chorus excitedly.

They've seen him already.

Kakashi sighs a deep, bone-weary sigh and straightens just as Naruto whips around the boulder, pigtails flying behind her like golden victory banners. Sakura and Sasuke, sweaty, dusty, equally as triumphat, follow hot on her heels, skidding to a stop just as Naruto shouts, "Kakashi-sensei! GUESS WHAT?!"

Kakashi doesn't want to. He really really doesn't want to.

"We've worked out how to make Shadow Clones explode when they disperse!" Sakura and Naruto, in their victory, are eerily in sync. Sasuke grins like a cat that caught the canary and doesn't at all act like Naruto and Sakura are rubbing off on each other in all the worst ways. All three of them are beaming at him, out of breath in their excitement, eyes gleaming.

Then, the implications of their declaration hit Kakashi like a sledgehammer, "You—"

"It took a lot of testing, knowledge of explosive tags and fire jutsu, and a _butt-load_ of Shadow Clones…," Sakura, completely missing the horror in his voice, takes this as the signal to launch into a detailed, technical explanation of their creation process. Naruto and Sasuke are still grinning like the devils they are behind her.

When her explanation winds down, leaving her grinning with hopeful eyes up at him, Kakashi says faintly, "You—You're all genin. _Rookie genin_ _._ "

Sakura scuffs her foot across the ground, almost shyly, and looks up at him through her lashes, "Well, it didn't turn out to be _that_ hard…" Kakashi can see her pleased grin she's not attempting to hide at all.

"Yeah! We're the best, Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto pronounces happily.

Sasuke smugly contributes, "Think of all the uses in the field, Kakashi-sensei," a sly, evil smirk curling his lips. Kakashi twitches.

It's impressive, Kakashi thinks numbly. He can't decide if the person who put them on a team together was a genius or an utter moron, because, apart, these kids would grow up to be extremely competent shinobi who would be pillars of support for Konoha, together… Together, they are some sort of evil-genius demon of chaos and destruction and Kakashi has been on the fence about whether they will one day benevolently rule the world through fear or just _break_ it. Nobody else in Konoha believes him, but he knows, _he knows._

Bright laughter pulls him out of his thoughts. The three are facing each other now, smiling, basking in their triumph of creative destructive ability.

"I think your hair is a little singed," Sakura says as she leans over one of Naruto's pig-tails.

"Man! If this keeps happening I really might cut it short like you did, Sakura."

"It'd be practical," Sasuke grunts.

They are angled such that Kakashi is included in their victory powwow, though they are no longer demanding his attention. There's camaraderie there, friendship even, and they clearly consider him a part of their little pack. Watching them, laughing and talking (even Sasuke!), high on their victory, Kakashi feels a completely unexpected swell of pride. It's so unexpected that he has to take a moment to check and make sure it isn't actually the usual resignation, instead.

Because—because they've learned from him. They've taken his first lesson to heart. He realizes suddenly, that whatever their evil, destructive inclinations, they are a _good team._ Great, even. Kakashi observes them speculatively, eyes suddenly sharp, and makes a decision.

He understands with true clarity now, he's never going to be able to stop them from destroying the world. A new A-rank jutsu with massive destructive potential created _only six months after becoming shinobi_ is nearly unheard of in this day and age, and they are only going to get better as they get older, with or without him.

"I think," Kakashi says slowly, and three heads swivel towards him in surprise, "that it's time we had another team tactics training session. We do, after all, have a new jutsu to test out." This time, Kakashi's mouth curls up along with his students', a gleam as evil as theirs shining in his eyes. "Meet me here tomorrow, 9am. Be warmed up." His eye sweeps over the three critically, and then curves up in a happy crescent, "But for now, let's go get Ramen to celebrate."

The world's always been kind of a dick to Kakashi anyway.

(The next day, Kakashi will shock all three of his cute, destructive little pups by arriving at 9am, on the dot.)

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

This fic will be non-linear in nature, meaning that the posted order of chapters is not the chronological order in universe. It's femNaru because why not, and because I think Naruto and Sakura girl power friendships are appealing. Don't expect a whole lot of plot from this story. I'll probably write chapters whenever the fancy takes me. Also, the rating may go up. I'm writing in this community to practice, so let me know your thoughts if you have a moment. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it! ~TF

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.


	2. The Chuunin Exams, part 1

**Author's Note:** Gasp! An update! Though I really should be working on Bandersnatch, since everybody likes it so much. Hehe, oh well.

 **Ready, Fire, Aim**

 **Scene:**

 **The Chuunin Exams, part 1**

 **-or-**

 _ **Do explosions count as cheating?**_

* * *

Three sets of eyes contemplate the building the first part of the chuunin exams was supposedly held in, illuminated by pre-dawn light. The building location had only become visible on their registration forms at 4am, the day of the exam.

"Do you think," Naruto wonders idly, "if we just blow up the building we would win?"

Sakura and Sasuke tilt their heads and squint at the building, considering.

"They might just move the exams if we blew the _whole_ building up," Sakura says thoughtfully.

Naruto lets her eyes slide over her team and then back to the building, "Sooooooo, just blow it up a little?"

Sasuke clicks his tongue, "We'll need more Intel." Naruto and Sakura automatically nod in agreement with his assessment. Knowledge is power; Team 7 could always get behind having _more_ power. It made for better explosions. He sweeps his gaze thoughtfully over his female teammates, "Maybe also some back-up plans. And emergency exits."

The two girls share a contemplative look and a nod; Sakura drums her fingers on her knees.

"I've got the best transformation and genjutsu skill. I'll see if I can walk in the front door," Sakura decides after a moment. "Naruto, leave a few clones as sentries, and can you use them to see if there are any other possible points of entry and exit?"

"You got it, Bossman!"

Sasuke inclines his head, "I'll take perimeter with the real Naruto, then."

A moment later, only a solitary Naruto clone remains on their rooftop vantage point. The other teams don't know it yet, but the chuunin exams have begun.

 _ **[Ready, Fire, Aim]**_

Sakura finds she can indeed just walk in the front door. Then waltzes through the building with a steadily emptying pocketful of patented Team 7 Explosive Tags, mapping structural weak points along the way.

Naruto discovers nine alternate points of entry and exit, promptly uses one to meet up with Sakura, and carefully notes the position of the others. Kakashi-sensei had made sure his team knew the value of emergency exits, (God knew they, of all teams, would need them, after all).

And Sasuke, well, Sasuke watches the rest of the teams begin to appear around the building, thinking disgustedly that the majority are completely worthless. Then he has an _idea._

 _ **[Ready, Fire, Aim]**_

Kakashi saunters into the Konoha Chuunin Exam observation lounge a full twenty minutes before the Exam is supposed to start. Kakashi slides through the crowd of Jounin to an open chair set near the observation screens.

"MY RIVAL!" Gai bellows excitedly in his ear, just as he slides into the adjacent seat. "You have come to join us in cheering on our vigorously youthful students! Taking the Chuunin Exams is truly a momentous occasion! Our students truly burn with the Flames of Youth!"

"Huh? Did you say something?" He waves at Kurenai and Asuma.

"Uwaah! My Rival is just too cool!" Kakashi turns towards the screens as Gai weeps in a corner.

The chuunin-hopefuls that made it to the correct exam room, despite the tricks set up on the way, are milling about. He's just in time to watch his cute little monsters stride in and survey their prey. Their confident entrance doesn't go unnoticed. The other members of the so called "Rookie 9" of Konoha crowd around and the older foreign teams eye the group with frankly adorable attempts at intimidating glares. Ah, genin. Though the crazy looking kid from Suna has potential, and, hm, both of his own teammates are edging away from him. Interesting.

Kurenai sniffs, "Your team seems kind of cocky, Kakashi."

Asuma frowns and inclines his head, "Hopefully it doesn't get 'em killed. This is only their first time taking the exams, after all."

Kakashi only hums and eye-smiles in response, before turning back to the screens. Poor fools. His students weren't going to take the Chuunin Exams, they were going to eat them. Whole. There probably wouldn't be many survivors.

He blinks. Very carefully not learning forward, Kakashi sweeps his eyes across the other teams on screen. There's something strangely suspicious-No. They hadn't…what is he thinking. Yes. Yes, _of course_ they had.

Poor fools indeed.

 **Earlier…**

"Mmphg!" The shout of the third and final member of the Ame team is muffled when Sasuke rips off his rebreather and Naruto slams her hand over his mouth from behind. He falls unconscious a moment later when Sakura jabs a pressure point in his neck with a senbon. It's also coated in a powerful paralytic, because Kakashi-sensei taught them to be thorough.

Naruto unceremoniously drops him next to his teammates, where Sasuke is already at work divesting them of their clothing and placing each shinobi's clothes in neat, separate piles. As he finishes with each one, Sakura ties them up thoroughly, and then Naruto and her clones, wrinkling their sensitive noses, heave each ninja into the separate dumpsters they've chosen as hiding places for the bodies.

When finished, all three of them stand together and survey their handiwork. For a team of what were apparently genjutsu specialists and sensors, it was pathetically easy to ambush and subdue them.

"Really," Naruto says cheerfully, as three of her clones begin pulling on the sets of clothing, "if they're this bad, we're doing them a favor taking them out of the exams. Other teams might not be as nice as us!"

"Hm," Sasuke smirks, deeply satisfied with the fruition of his idea.

As Sakura contemplatively watches the clones disguise themselves, she tilts her head in a way that catches her teammates' attention immediately. "Hey," she says slowly, "What if we just, kept thinning the competition?"

"What, like, ambush more teams and replace them with more of my clones?"

There's a pause as the three stare at each other. Suddenly, they're all wearing identical evil smirks.

And so it comes to pass that at 12 o'clock noon, when the intimidating proctor makes his appearance, about a quarter of the genin in the exam room are Naruto. Explosive Naruto. Just in case.

 _ **[Ready, Fire, Aim]**_

When all is said and done, a third of the building is rubble and Team 7 has successfully passed the first test, along with half of the other teams, of which about a third are Naruto. Still primed to explode.

 **Omake**

 **How did Team 7 know to check for the building location so early in the morning?**

"Good morning, my ducklings~!" Kakashi-sensei sings, surveying his cute students nested in Sakura's room (they'd fallen asleep plotting, _adorable_ ), then neatly sidesteps all the sharp and pointy objects sailing towards his head. Sakura _growls_ from her place on the bed.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** OP Team 7 is OP.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. (lol are these things even necessary when posting to this site or is it just tradition now?) ~TF

(Also, you should like, totally go take the poll on my profile. For reasons.) ~sparkles and love~


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